Showing posts from December, 2013
this menstrual symptoms actually killing me. pimples. fever. flu. body temperature increase. strain muscle. ㅠㅠI got irritated. my mood is a mess.
what I want?
what can I do to improve myself?am I now still stuck in my comfort zone?
do I really need this? what I need?
where is my direction?
what is my goal?
where will I be in 5 years from now?
what will happen to me? I actually lost.
demam. flu. batuk. aih. sejuknya. terasa nak makan aiskrim. kentang mcd. ayam goreng. pizza tuna. ayam shinlin taiwan atau yang sewaktu dengannya. keledek goreng dengan sos plum. mee sua. emm. sedap.tiap kali hari ahad akan rindu ayah. sebab hari ahad je boleh nampak ayah duduk rumah paling lama tanpa keluar melepak dengan kekasih gelap. walaupun macam da biasa jarang nampak ayah. tapi aku tahu ayah akan pulang. sudah 9 bulan ayah pergi. masih aku rasa yang ayah akan kembali. tiap pagi pun kena ingatkan diri sendiri ayah pergi tak kembali. macam terpaksa ingatkan diri sendiri dua tahun yang lalu, aku masih punya lelaki. lol. bingung. macam mimpi. sedut menyedut hingus yang masih berbaki. *sroottt*gatal yang menggeletek tekak. *koffkoffkoff*minggu lalu ada peluang untuk melanjutkan ilmu ke peringkat tinggi. aku fikir sampai pening. berat sungguh hati nak tinggalkan mama. jadi aku tolak dengan harapan akan datang ada lagi peluang.  macam-macam yang aku angankan. salah satunya, belajar …
and today, I just understand everything. you shouldn't drained your energy. signalled it to things that make you happy.
if being happy means you leave everything. leave it. dont even care. enough with one way conversation. "I just text with men only."sound like a joke, but the actions telling you the truth. I wonder, am I such unimportant person to every one? conflict monologue.
upset. I tried to cheer up. headache. irritated. had chaiwalla by myself. I am here putting some efforts to make everything on their path, but people really take it for granted. at one time I feel like, I dont deserve people gratitude. I dont feel like one. am I too kind? sometimes, I am the one who always feel that way; like they are the precious people in my life but actually they feel otherwise. sad but true.lets face this fact hidayah. you should appreciate yourself. whatever coming, the one who doesn't leave you is always yourself.
hot sunny day. oh my. I feel dehydrated. waiting charan to finish her pray. I am excited to follow her roaming over Christmas party. ah. I saw stupid person not giving signal while park the car. japanese people beside my table. tourists.  planning a trip inside malaysia. hope that they have a great trip in malaysia. should try all malaysian food. ah. random.
unexpected event. its always out of my control. I mean why? I am seeking for the answer. rumet said, read the book that I bought for you, be in love. I want, it just my heart not accept what I wanted. an impossible task right now. ah. im drowsy. sleepy.
give your heart a chance to feel happy,
even for a moment.

attention, strangers!

hi, can you help me improve my language?
if I made any mistake regards on grammar and etc, please correct me.any idea you want to throw also can be sent.through comment or email me:napsterrebellyle@yahoo.comthank you for your cooperation.
it scares me to be in relationship, 
I have the tendency to hurt people. I am afraid people hating my family.
when they see my family, what they see is a burden. i am surrounded by environment where I dont even recognize what happiness is. if being alone is a happiness, I will stay alone as much as I want. from the start we should just better be friend rather than being partner. I valued friendship more. aihh. I still like him. I dont even dare to look at him directly. such an awkward moment.
I think I have too much idea that lingered in my head. I keep posting everything. I was listening to a song years back. when I was so in loved with dian sastrowardoyo. the movie with title ungu violet. not that much script, it just you and your brain to interpret whatever they were showing to you. and there was a song along with the movie, made me reminisce a happy moment that once I valued so much. " sesungguhnya aku ingin memelukmu,
mendakap penuh harapan tuk mencintaimu,
sepenuhnya aku akan terus menunggu,
menanti sebuah jawapan tuk memilikimu"until now I dont even know the question, and what is the answer that he waiting for. mysteriously left like that. sometimes, some questions are better left is not that I am afraid to answer, it is just better not to answer the past, not to question present and not to expect future. gah. the overwork brain.
sometimes, there is one part of me,
that still missing you.
kejarlah mimpi selagi masih tegak berdiri. jangan risaukan masa hadapan yang tak pasti, ambil peluang esok yang menanti.
what I have is a heart to love. because I treasured them the most. without friends, im nobody.
without family, I am lonely. lonely soul to lean onto.
dont look back to the past when you suppose to go ahead to the future because you might stuck in the present not moving forward.