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Showing posts from January, 2014
there is a time I dont believe relationship.
too much brokenheart surrounded me. there is a time I have an idea to stop living. the pain is too much to bear.there is a time I just want to go somewhere, having an affair, be happy and leave. there is a time I wonder if I can pursue my dreams, too much I dont know which one to chase. there is a time I want to say hi to stranger, telling that I like him and run away. there is a time I want to stay in my room for the whole week, doing nothing and indulge myself with tons of books. there is a time I wish I have someone to wait for me, just to say I always want you to be my baby. geez.
I still in the bus, not even reach home yet.while in the bus watching kpop star survival, I cried, I laughed, I feel giddy. lol.people might think Im crazy, but I cant hide my emotions. too much hormones. to release my stress. when im off guard, people will suddenly said I was smiling by myself. I feel great, I feel happy that is why I smiling by myself. suppressing the feeling meant I messing with my head. sizzling my brain. its very rare for me to express my feeling. writing is all I have. the only ears that listen to me. the only shoulder I could cried on, the only place that accept me the way I am, the only space I could throw any feeling that I want. last but not least, the only part where I dont feel alone at all.
when people hold a power,
its actually a test. good, but it will eat you up.
giving you a hollow. mess your head,
you become someone else. too much power,
and you forget your root,
where you belong. human and power.
damn. I deleted my spontaneous entry.
ㅠㅠnext time I need to back up.
stupid line. argghhh.
just watched my 20s drama. I wonder what have I done in my 20s.
not even sweet things happened.
unprotected.
broken.
been pushed away.
neglected.all the negative vibes.the last time I feel secured, that was 10months ago. when ayah still there, at home.
last night. I was dreaming about the same thing. that I am back to H.weird dream. I hope it just a dream. the pursuit of happiness end with happy ending. yay. why I feel like huang yi kang is a handsome guy. just a very match pair with ji an lei. will I meet my match?
2014, vacation year. yeayy. mierul will having a trip to japan.
my sister, mama and me will go to china.
winter in china. yayay.ah. in may will go to perhentian island. I.am.excited!
cannot wait.
oh. its 2014. my sister asked me this morning. lets go to china on december. I was liked next year? my sister said this year laaa.I was huh? blank for awhile. then I realised.  oh its already 2014. too much things happened in 2013. mourn year. daddy. sister being bullied. the most important is I am survived. survived without having any relationship.  yay me. this is the most crucial year. career build year. vacation on the line. clothes on the line. sneakers on the line. yesterday, yem was asking me a very weird question. did you have any boyfriend cik? I was liked what the hell with the question. - -"it is not in my interest at all. anyway. 2014. pray for unexpected. pray for the happiness showered over my families. hasya growing up. my sister meet mr right. my brother will be graduated. joyful. joyful. joyful.