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Showing posts from October, 2016
31st Oct 2016, Monday


listening to soulstar only one for me. what am i feeling right now?
i wish i have more words to describe whatever i feel now.
or exact word to express the feeling i have now.

can't really avoid myself from having such a self-pity.
but i want that exact someone like me for who i am.
the difficult part of me.

shall i give up now?

never mind. i planning to live as a single-virgin-with-baby-face. lol
enjoying my youth.
investing in beauty and polish my skill.
seeking more talents.
going on adventures.
facing more challenges.


lets do this, hidayah!
23rd October 2016, Sunday

last night there was nanah mix with blood discharged from my right nipple.
it swelling and when i push my aerola, there is lump. when i push it the aerola, the liquid mix with blood keep discharged until i heard the lump is popped.

sounds like pimple. i look up upon breast cancer symptoms. one of the symptom is liquid which not breast milk discharge from nipple.

this morning when i check my aerola, no more lump and the pain i felt last night decreased.
guess, i need check up. where should i go?
15th Oct 2016, Saturday

Completely left. Hurrah.
But why did i feel sad? Maybe i dont deserved to be cared of?
So many questions with out answer in my head right now.
Did i do wrong? which part?

A part of me have move on. Acting like nothing happened.
I guess next month, i'll be completely over it.
Lets stop seeking for uncertainty. Take this sadness as a good sign Allah wants me to love Him completely.
Seek only Him,
Love only Him,
Whine to Him,
Cry in front Him,
Rely on Him.

Lets do this, Hidayah.

12th Oct 2016, Wednesday

i woke up today thinking that today is Thursday.
ah, and remembered that today is Wednesday and i need to watch Moonlight drawn by cloud.
it was sad episode and cant even accept that next week will be the final episodes.

no text for today and last night text was not even read. left hanging.
my first assumption, he lost his interest.
my second assumption, he meet another interesting friend.
my third assumption, he is so busy that he not even have time to read the text, but have so much time scrolling fb.
LOL

i have a feeling, this wont last long.
he will leave. soon.
and i have been preparing my heart, this is nothing.

i am planning to register my sister for halalspeeddating.
should i apply to? but this plan mainly for my sister.
i still want to enjoy the freedom of being single and lonely.

its been awhile lepaking at Harris & MPH.
i missed these places terribly.
not even buying any book.
some book not even read.
i want to let go some of the books.
those in…
8th Oct 2016, Saturday.


that feeling when someone cared and you feel loved,
but at that same time he draw a line, set up a boundary and put up a wall.

i don't read between the line.
may be, just maybe i enjoy what present gives for a moment.
while he is still there.
while i still single.
while time still flying,
while i still breathing.
while people still cherish.
while happiness is never an option.
2nd Oct 2016, Sunday

happy new year! salam maal hijrah!

something just changed on my upper lips. i dont want to freak myself. but, i am totally freak out now!