ESCAPISM

".... im not trying harder because im afraid of getting upset, and disappoint others. " ".... im not always there for you. " "..... i cant really help you with anything. " i think i haven't told you, one of many reasons that triggered the depression is you. i know, i will always be alone in fighting my own battle. these past 2 months taught me, that i can't rely on anyone other than myself. when they dont try harder, it shows you are not worth of their time, their affection, their everything. and i even not expecting anything, their action is too cliche to even reminisce. i saw it somewhere, they said, " if it continue like this, i shall retreat. " why did they lie? whats the point of having a relationship when one not trying hard. see where your position is. what i need is comfort words and a hug. not a comparison of who's struggle the hardest. i believe, i am not destined to be anyone's partner as i feel i can...

.....when you are not one of his priority. the relationship turned relation-shit. 😏

that constant insecurity will kill the relationship. that actually same as killing me. the soul within.

longing. im longing the you that existed as i imagine. the talk we had while looking into the deep abyss of our eyes. the sound of our laugh that still ringing in my mind. enjoying the silent in between of conversation we have. when we are apart, i still miss your warmth. the random talk we had over the drink. and i realise, you've gone and leave the traces of you in me to reminisce. it turns out, the "see you soon" we always wish, is another form of goodbye to me.

" you don't need someone to complete you, you just need someone to accept you completely. " - ecstacy heart, 2017

" when no one worth your trust, and love songs sound like a false hope. "

im exhausted. i drained my energy. ive been wrecking my brain. and im done.

"tea, brown sugar and ginger." - bitter. your existence is like a bittersweet chocolate. bitter and sweet mixed together. it keeps me craved, frequently. those eyes are soothing. i look at it deeply, seeking for sincerity. they keep telling me, " im watching over you. " secured my insecurity. see you soon. always have, always will.

his absence caused a huge void in her. that she seeks the happiness to fill in the unknown abyss. to dry off the tears that fall, to put a smile that no longer bright, to laugh on the joke that no longer fun. but still, she wait. because she misses his existence. his figure, his smell, his warms, his smile, his voice, his eyes, and every part of him. his name. his name that keep lingered in her mind, tampered. always hanging on her lips, sealed in her heart. she sighed. she breathe. she wish her love reached him.