ESCAPISM

  i have a lot in my mind like reflecting my own characters from childhood until present. i may say from being possessive to being indifference about people. did i grown up well? i think people still have prejudice over me. like when they start in trying time to be my friend they keep highlighting my short-tempered & my poker face.  i don't actually mad, i am irritated. i am irritated to lack of common sense and mind blowing stupid-ness. it makes me baffled. i just don't really want to explain on my acts most of the time. people will keep being prejudice and i just keep being myself. you can't really change the way people think about you, especially with the mind that has been set up with a default theory of random people about you. i have bad experienced with such prejudice. how people good in making you feel the lowest about yourself, and i even remembered how they laughing to my anxiety. did i built wall around myself? - yes. did i make myself hard to be approached? ...

We just had dinner together at Nasi Lemak Senibong. The food was so-so BUT the coconut jelly was heaven sent. *chief kiss* LOL, it was damn good. The jelly is smooth, with some slices of coconut meat and the sweetness of coconut water could fly you to the moon.  Ehe, that exaggerated.  My brain is in looping on things I am not satisfied with. I befriend with a colleague. I may like to observe  him from a far, but never am I having any interest to know him closely. We just have a good random talk that day until when its time to clock off, I just realised my car was blocked  by another colleague. I was asking a favour to him, help me asking another colleague to move his car. I don't even know what he was thinking, he said he is uncertain and he never memorising people's plate number. I was baffled. I am certain the owner of the car whose blocking me and that's why i asked him such favour - to ask the owner to move the car . His excuse? He said he's in surau but has aud...

Its 2020 and pandemic year. climate change getting worse. more people are dying. its been awhile writing a blog. re-reading the post and reminisce back the past. all is well. i am yet married, still holding the idea of living a single life for a lifetime. having a pleasure in reading some manga, webtoon, e-novels and any other sources of reading material. i am glad i can stick with my reading habit. i just received this laptop today from a friend of mine, doctor kumaran. start as a stranger through a chat apps. quite old, but for me im using it for work & its work well to watch a netflix. i dont need fancy laptop anyway. as long as i can do my work at home, or anywhere else without using my brother's properties. im good. tomorrow is my sister's birthday. i pray that she meet a good, wise & kind-hearted man who will love her till jannah. hopefully this one prayer will be granted by Allah SWT. amin. good night. xoxo

Ive been scroll over the instagram and my hand itchy to order all the beautiful clothes. That knitted wear in green is lovely. The sandals is actually needed to complete my outfit of the day. I may need to control my desire to own all of them. Gahhhhh 😩 Well my saturday spent with work in the office, played with kitten, and marathon harry potter series. What else, reading my webtoon, reading my e-novels and yeah listening to backstreet boys playlist. Happy? Erm, i lost words to describe my everyday feeling. Normal maybe a good choice of word to describe overall.  This is just a random post. I just love anything that so random. Ive been eating subways cookies, it’s delicious and addictive. Double chocolate chip, oatmeal something and macadamia nuts something. Hahaha my brain aint good on something with long name. Ive been calculating to buy subways cookies, but then i think, i almost run out of budget. Okay, i need to save up to make sure i will be home after work, not st...

Another sleepless night. After tossed around and got some weird dream. Its always like this for almost every night. I wonder when will i really get a good night sleep. My eyes sunken, my eye bag just bad and keep being darker. If i dont put more effort on my face, my lifeless face will be exposed to the world.  Ive got headache since there is something ive been worried and its not yet solved. The thought keep lingered in my head. I lose my appetite in the middle of my meal, or i found my food just tasteless and craved more savory food instead.  I have a lots of way to destroy my health but i am an organ donor, i cant do that. Glad that i registered  as donor. At least im saving my life from myself.  Gosh, i do need sleeping pill.

Dear zachary, I dont think you are reading this, just so you know it was nice knowing you. Ive been remembered all good words youve been said to me. While knowing you, its give me a hope that good guy do exist. In those times ive a good talk with you, i take it as the best chapter in my 2018. Truth is i have crush on you. My goodness, feels like high school girl. 😂 thus, the moment im saying goodbye, it was the hardest part. I never like saying goodbye, never good at it. Because the moment i say goodbye, i feel like my heart broke into pieces. I have to pick them up and stick them back with positivity. It is long process, but times heal.  Im fine, i was grateful for crossing path with you even we never see each other in real life. This will never come true, i know 😌. Thank you for all the kind words. Thank you for coming in very short time. I did have a blast. Knowing that its the best virtual experience.  May you have a good home, good health, good wealth and...